Man, this hard!

 It's been a really long time since I have written. We have been just trying survive. The last post I shared was when my son Tyler was leaving  on his mission. Since then he married his high school sweetheart Lydia, and have had the cutest baby named Calvin. Yes, I am a grandma! That little boy is such a light for me amount so much of the darkness I am feeling these days.

These last five years have been just hard both emotionally and physically. One of my daughters has been affected by some terrible trauma, and it has been really hard on her. I hope someday that her and I can share her story to help others. But for now, that is all I can say. She now suffers from PTSD, anxiety, and depression. She is trying to move on with her life in a healthy way, but has really struggled. I've watch a girl who knew who she was, what she wanted in life, and who was so strong, turn into a  confused, and broken spirit. She has made some good strides this year, and we continue to pray that she can heal, and find herself again. This has really affected me as well. My heart is so broken for her, and I have so much anger towards those who were responsible. It has made me feel fearful for my other daughter as well. I'm trying to have faith that all will be well, and that we will have been able to learn, have empathy and help others because of this terrible experience. 

 River continues to battle with his health as well. He has EDS which is a connective tissue disorder. He was in a terrible head on collision back in 2020, which took him out of work for 6 months. He still doesn't feel 100, but is recovering. He deals with chronic pain, migraines, joint pain and some major stomach issues. He is trying 

 Now onto my two you gest kiddos. Jude and Hope are now 12 and 14. Life has not been easy for them, or for us. Hope has been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, anxiety, depression, oppositional defiance disorder, and two learning disabilities. Jude has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD, oppositional defiance disorder ,learning disorders, explosive disorder, and mood disorder which is still unspecified. They both are really struggling, and because of these disorders they have been diagnosed with, our family is in a constant amount of turmoil. 

 I love my kids so much, and to see them struggling is so heartwrenching. This is all so hard!

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