I Dont Even Know!

 Wow, how to start this? Life has been so hard. I feel like I am living in Hell some days. I had no ideas how hard things would get adopting my last 2 kiddos. I love them, I really love them a lot but it is so hard! Truthfully, I have seen so many tender mericies and anwsers to prayers that have helped. After my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder amoung all the other diagnosis he has, I knew we were in for a long ride. Thankfully, i had a prompring to have him start lithuim. We had tried so many different meds and nothing was helping. Lithium has been a life changer for Jude and for us. The violent behaviors, the yelling and screaming profanities, and tha destuction to our home have almost all stopped.  We feel like we have our "real" Jude. He is a loving, kind-hearted, and  honest kid. He sure has some other struggles that impead his everyday life. He also has Autism and severe ADHD. He is just a good soul and we feel so blessed to call him ours.

Our youngest daughter has been extremely difficult. She struggles with Reactive Attachment disorder along with schizophrenia, ADHD , oppositional defiance disorder, and Autism. She is putting us through hell. She will lie, minupulate, and will do anything including making false allegations about us to the school and the police to get her way. She doesn't care about consequences or what her choices do to her family. She isn't able to trust us or care what we think because her birth parents were not trustable and didn't keep her safe, so she feels the same about us even though she wishes that she felt different. It's so hard not to take this all personally. We feel like she doesn't care about us. We are just a roadblock in her way of getting what she wants. The voices in her head a constantly telling her to get away from us. They are never positive. She isn't able to see warning signs either, which scares me to death. She could become a victim of abuse so easily. It's terrifying. So far we have been able to keep her safe. Her goal is to get out of our house ASAP. She will be 18 next year and it is going to be so hard for her. She just doesn't see that she needs to make any changes in her life. We just want her to make good choices and to be a good person. We want her to be happy and are trying so hard to teach her those things. I will never give up on her, and I will keep fighting to help her. She is my daughter and I love her. My love cannot fix her though. She has to be the one to want to change.