Thursday, May 5, 2011

This is how I really feel.

  There are so many times when I look at my life, and think" wow, how did I get here." My life is amazing! I have a wonderful husband to spend my life and eternity with. He loves me more than I could ever deserve, he supports me and our 5 children, he loves me despite all of my many faults, and he puts up with me even when I do something he is not excited about me doing. My life has changed dramatically within the last year and a half. I have realized what it truly important to me, I have decided that I can make mistakes and that people will understand and forgive me. I have learned how to forgive myself for the stupid little mistakes I make daily. I have learned that no one is a perfect mom, and that the expectations I have for myself are really just impossible, but that if I keep trying that is what is important, that is how we progress. I have learned that being myself and being an open book is actually a good thing. Yes, I have, and will continue to make mistakes or even put my foot in my mouth, but I will learn from those mistakes, correct them, and move on with a better understanding. I have learned that people can change for the better if they get the support they need. I have learned not to judge people. I have no idea what all is going on in their lives, and why it is happening. Instead I think "what can I do to help or change a situation." I have learned that I need to continually do my best, and that my Heavenly Father and my Savior will be at my side despite me failing if I get up and try again, and do better the next time. I know that I Am A Child of God, and that he expects me to accomplish certain tasks upon this earth. I know that he will help me seek out these tasks, and give me the strength, and faith to do them. I have already seen this happen in my life, and I know that I still have many things to accomplish while I am on this earth. I have slowly been learning patients. I am so patient with some things, but still am so short of patients with other things. This is something I am not sure that I will ever master, but I will try to keep doing my best. I want to know what the plan is now! What is next! What the answer to my prayer is! When it will happen! Everyone who knows me, knows I am a mover. So that being said patients is not my best characteristic. I am so thankful for the experiences that I have had, that have made me learn and grow, I have much more learning to do. My road has never, and never will be easy, but I will strive to learn what I need to learn from my trials, and go forward in faith.
 I am so grateful for all that I have. My children are such an amazing blessing to me. Tyler is such a strong, and wonderful kid who really tries to choose the right. He is such a wonderful example to all of  us. He loves to read about church history, and surprises me with his knowledge of the gospel. His testimony is strong, and he has a strong desire to do what his Heavenly Father wants him to do.
 River has such am amazing spirit. He feels the spirit so strongly. He is a good boy who wants to do the best he can. He is very sensitive, and compassionate to all those who are in need. You can tell that he loves to help people. He often is found playing, and watching over the little kids in our  neighborhood, or helping the older people pull weeds. He is very creative, and loves to make things out of what we would all call junk. I am so thankful for him, and his wonderful uplifting smile.
 Randilynn is our sweet angel. She is so on top of everything. She is a straight A student who is very serious about school. I am amazed that she does so well when she is at her dance studio on an average of 6 hours a week. She loves to dance, and her competition team is doing amazing. When she is home, she is our biggest helper. She is wonderful with helping me out with Hope, and Jude. She has a very tender heart, and she also loves to help people. She is an amazing little girl.
 Hope has just amazed me. The progress she has made in a year is astonishing. She has gone from an out of control little girl, to a fun, happy , and beautiful one. She loves life. She is so sweet when she says her prayers, and she loves to go to church. I know she doesn't understand a whole lot yet, but you can tell she can feel the spirit. She has wonderful primary teachers. I am so thankful for the joy she brings into our home.
 Jude is a wild man! No one would guess that he was so behind developmentally. He is a very happy and smiling little guy. He is on top, and into everything. I love when he gives me kisses, or lays his head on my shoulder. He is so special to me. I think I am in for it. We are going through the terrible two's already. No one else sees this of course when he is away from home. With everyone else, he is a complete angel. Still, he can do no wrong. He is just a cutie, and his smile, and big brown eyes just melt me.
 I am blessed to have such supportive friends, good neighbors, a home filled with love, and a wonderful place for my children to grow up. I am so grateful for the gospel, for my Savior, and Heavenly Father. I am thankful for a wonderful, and caring bishopric, but most of all I am grateful to be married to my best friend. Yes, This is how I really feel.