tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1104825330583692872024-02-19T17:20:52.324-08:00The "SSMORGAN5" ShipSuziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-2042701801892566992022-04-28T09:15:00.003-07:002022-04-28T09:15:55.118-07:00Man, this hard!<p> It's been a really long time since I have written. We have been just trying survive. The last post I shared was when my son Tyler was leaving on his mission. Since then he married his high school sweetheart Lydia, and have had the cutest baby named Calvin. Yes, I am a grandma! That little boy is such a light for me amount so much of the darkness I am feeling these days.</p><p>These last five years have been just hard both emotionally and physically. One of my daughters has been affected by some terrible trauma, and it has been really hard on her. I hope someday that her and I can share her story to help others. But for now, that is all I can say. She now suffers from PTSD, anxiety, and depression. She is trying to move on with her life in a healthy way, but has really struggled. I've watch a girl who knew who she was, what she wanted in life, and who was so strong, turn into a confused, and broken spirit. She has made some good strides this year, and we continue to pray that she can heal, and find herself again. This has really affected me as well. My heart is so broken for her, and I have so much anger towards those who were responsible. It has made me feel fearful for my other daughter as well. I'm trying to have faith that all will be well, and that we will have been able to learn, have empathy and help others because of this terrible experience. </p><p> River continues to battle with his health as well. He has EDS which is a connective tissue disorder. He was in a terrible head on collision back in 2020, which took him out of work for 6 months. He still doesn't feel 100, but is recovering. He deals with chronic pain, migraines, joint pain and some major stomach issues. He is trying </p><p> Now onto my two you gest kiddos. Jude and Hope are now 12 and 14. Life has not been easy for them, or for us. Hope has been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, anxiety, depression, oppositional defiance disorder, and two learning disabilities. Jude has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD, oppositional defiance disorder ,learning disorders, explosive disorder, and mood disorder which is still unspecified. They both are really struggling, and because of these disorders they have been diagnosed with, our family is in a constant amount of turmoil. </p><p> I love my kids so much, and to see them struggling is so heartwrenching. This is all so hard!</p>Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-76223233474748104352018-01-23T08:07:00.002-08:002018-01-23T08:07:38.413-08:00Lord, I will Follow TheeIts been so long since I have blogged, that I knew it was time to update. Where to start?<br />
I guess the best place to start is that in 2016 my son Tyler was called to serve a mission in the Tallahassee Florida mission. He was to enter the MTC on July 20th 2016. He was ecstatic, and we were as completely ready as we could be for him to go the week before the 20th. We decided to go to Lake Powell as a family 1 more time before he left. When we got home he would leave 2 days later. Tyler decided to really be careful not to do any extreme sports so that he was safe and healthy to leave. He really took an easy, so we thought. Sometimes freak things happen!<br />
We were taking an very easy hike through one of the canyons, when Tyler took a small leap to land onto another boulder. Well, apparently he landed just right, or wrong depending on how you look at it. Tyler was in excruciating pain! we managed to help get him out of the canyon and back into the boat. His foot was already so swollen and bruised. We new we would need to have him seem at the urgent care there in bullfrog. We were quite a ways away from the marina, and the water was super choppy. It was going to be a long drive. Tyler's pain was increasing, we did what we could to stabilize his foot, and gave him some Advil, and we took off! My poor boy couldn't handle the rough waters, and the pain was so bad that he passed out from the pain. When he would pass out, we would go full throttle as fast as we could, he would wake up and then we would have to slow way down, to a rate that it would take us hours to reach the clinic. If I remember correctly Tyler passed out close to a dozen times during the journey to the marina. A good friend of ours boated in front of us to try and smooth out the water as much as possible for us.<br />
After what seemed an eternity, we finally reached the marina, but had no way of getting Tyler from the boat to the clinic, so an ambulance was called. a short mile ride, and wee finally made it. The took some X-rays, and told us that it just looked like a bad sprain. That didn't feel right to any of us, but we took their word for it. It was late in the evening by then so we stayed at the hotel there in the marina, and left at first light to head back to camp. Tyler left for home with some family the next day, and we followed him home the following day.<br />
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This is where everything changed. After seeing the mission president and telling him that he had sprained his ankle, President Hollingshead told us that he wanted him to see a orthopedic. My though was " we already had seen a Dr, so why", but we took him in anyway. The Doc looked at him and took some more x-rays and determined that it did appear to be a bad sprain, but there was just a tiny little something showing on the x-ray, that bothered him a little. He told Tyler, we will keep you home for a couple weeks, put on this brace, and start doing squats, and that he thought it would heal up fine. The look on Tyler's face right then assured me that something was more wrong that that. After sharing my concerns with he dr. we decided to have Tyler get a MRI! This was a game changer!<br />
A week later he was able to get the MRI. That same night at 10:00pm, I received a call straight from TYlers orthopedic. He told me that Tyler had completely shattered his ankle, and that it was going to immediate, and exrtensive surgery.This would require matereials to act as tendons, tying to put pieces of bones back together, at least what they could salvage, and then clean out all the remaining pieces of bone that couldn't be saved. He said be ready first thing in the morning as he was going to put tyler first on his schedule. After telling my son the news, he became very emotional. He knew this would push his mission back way longer than he would have ever wanted. He struggled understanding why this happened to him at this time. He had never had a broken bone or major injury in his life.<br />
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At his follow up appt. the DR. said it would be a long recovery. He would need months of healing, and lots of physical therapy to regain the strength in his foot and leg. His already skinny leg had turned into the smallest little atrified leg, I had ever seen. He had a little old man leg.<br />
After a 6 month delay, Tyler was finally feeling 'good enough" to get out in the mission field. On January 4th 2017 he left for the provo MTC. I might add we had a 2 day notice! AHHHH! We scrambled to get him ready again, but it was so worth it. Tyler now understands what he needed to learn from this experience, and why the Lord needed him to wait. He has had so many experiences that there is no denying that the our Heavenly Father knows what we need and when we need it. I am proud of my boy, and that throughout all of this that he exemplified " Lord I will follow thee."<br />
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<br />Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-83705479186861580002017-11-14T07:24:00.003-08:002017-11-14T07:24:51.402-08:00A Change in my Heart<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">A Change in my Heart</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Many of you know, and understand the the joys and the hardships of motherhood. I have found myself struggling to find joy in motherhood lately. I have been feeling overwhelmed in my abilities to be the kind of mother that my children need. My babies have some struggles, and there are days that I wonder, how will we get through the day. I want to be be everything that they need, but some days it just seems that I am not enough. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">This morning as I woke up, I realized that even though I feel like I am perhaps "failing" them, that we are in this together. If I truly do my best, that the Lord will make up for, and help me to know what I can do to help them. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I love my babies, and so does my Heavenly Father. This motherhood thing is hard! I now understand that it is my responsibility to find joy in motherhood, that I can be happy being a mom. So, today I will change! I will look for and pray to see all the joys, tender mercies, love, fun, and opportunities that motherhood can bring. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Being a mom is the most important thing that I will ever do. I will never be perfect at it, but I will do my best, and with the help from my Savior, I can, and will see the joys that an eternal family can bring.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><img alt="Image may contain: text" height="640" src="https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/23415355_10213157963777745_6649121528432272890_o.jpg?oh=02403509d9b382eb190fe65c30d506d1&oe=5A627189" width="417" /></span>Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-82692251042491302942014-11-12T07:29:00.002-08:002018-01-23T08:12:42.905-08:00Now I have a Facebook page for my music!<a href="http://www.facebook/MelodiesRevealed">www.facebook/MelodiesRevealed</a><br />
<br />Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-86310577265983109202014-11-06T07:34:00.000-08:002014-11-06T08:01:45.953-08:00THE MUSIC WITHIN ME Had another anxiety attack last night after posting another song. I am trying to figure out why it is so hard to share my music. As I was thinking about it this morning, it dawned on me , that my music comes from somewhere deep inside of me, and letting you all see right into my very soul is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I always have thought that I wore my heart on my sleeve, but until now I have realized I have been holding back a huge part of me. Here's to learning, growing, and doing hard things.<a href="https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10204433976723521&set=vb.1654457018&type=2&theater">https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10204433976723521&set=vb.1654457018&type=2&theater</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10203972287021567&set=vb.1654457018&type=2&theater">/www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10203972287021567&set=vb.1654457018&type=2&theater</a>Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-85979490723834203692014-03-05T14:15:00.000-08:002014-03-05T14:15:20.245-08:00"Normal People" Last Sunday I bore my testimony in church. My heart was so full. Having heard the previous Brother's and Sister's who had born their testimonies, really reminded me of why I love Centerville, this neighborhood and the Centerville 7th ward.<br />
One particular sister stood and bore her testimony which such honesty. She had said that while her children were such a blessing in her life, that sometimes it was really hard to be a mom. She spoke of how mom's all around her often say how much they love being a mom, and how their children are their world's. It's not very often when you hear other mother's talk about the hardship's, and trials you go through as a parent. She said that sometimes life just sucks, and it's really hard.<br />
Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I am an open book. I speak from my heart, and I don't like pretending that life is always perfect. The truth of the matter is, life is hard, and it does "suck" sometimes. We all have our trials, and sometimes they are very hard. I know this first hand. I have had my share of hardships, and yet I never want to forget those experiences. I have learned so much from every trial I have been through. At times I have felt alone, scared, depressed, anxious, angry, and even suicidal. I have been through each one of these emotions many times throughout my life.<br />
You probably are wondering why I named this post " Normal People." I started referring to people that are outwardly honest, and who share their life experiences as "Normal People." None of us on this earth are perfect. Why are we trying so hard to pretend that our lives are perfect? We all have hardships, and trials. Life is not perfect! There is no "Perfect" mom, or person. Why do we compare ourselves to other's? We all have our strengths and weaknesses.<br />
The last few years, I have realized that talking to other's about my trials and hardship's has been good for me. Many people are surprised to learn about some of things I have gone through. I have received so much support from others. That has been a huge blessing in my life. What I didn't realize, was that by sharing some of my experiences with others, that I wasn't alone. People that I shared with, started to open up as well, and it was amazing to hear that so many other people had gone through some of the same challenges. Suddenly there was a bond there. I share this because it is my hope and prayer that we can love and strengthen one another. Sometimes telling our own story can hit home to another person. We can also share what we have learned through our experiences from these trials. There are hidden blessings that come from going through trials, and hardships. It is my hope that we will lift each other's burdens, that we will share our experiences with one another, and that we will never feel as if nobody understands what we are going through. Our Heavenly Father, and Savior Jesus Christ are always there, but when we need a friend, let's reach out to our fellow brothers and sisters. Let's have more "Normal People" in our lives.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-68284744437065335092013-12-11T10:17:00.000-08:002013-12-11T10:17:01.966-08:00It's Nothing Short of a Miracle! It's been an interesting last 6 months since my brain surgery. The 6 weeks week after the surgery are a bit of a blur to me , but I do remember the kindness and love that I felt from so many people. Dinner's were brought in, friends took my younger children for play dates, my older kids stepped it up taking care of the house, and my loving husband took weeks off of work to tend to me. Steve was there anytime I needed anything. I wasn't in a whole lot of pain. Steve made sure to stay on top of my medication to ensure that I would be as comfortable as possible. He said I slept the entire 1st week after the surgery. He missed me, and when I started to get better, he said he was so glad to be able to have a conversation with me again. I was surprised when he told me that it had been a week already. He also said, "It was the hardest week of my life." He was a single dad of 5, and even though we were getting so much help, he still felt a bit overwhelmed. <br />
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After 4 weeks, I felt good enough to go camping in our trailer. I HAD to get out of the house and breathe in some nature. It was also was our 17th anniversary. I thought I would just sit in a chair outside of the trailer and soak up some much need rays from the sun. After the first day of camping I began to feel some energy. I asked Steve to take me on a short walk. My loving sweet husband made me a walking stick to help with my balance, and off we went. He was concerned to take me too far, but I felt better and better as I kept going. I shocked him when I decided to cross the river we were hiking beside. I remember seeing lots of fishing holes that I was dying to fish. I truly found a renewed energy that I hadn't had in weeks. To me it was the best anniversary ever! I cried because of the overwhelming feelings of gratitude that I felt for this beautiful world we live in, for the kindness of my husband, and that I didn't have anymore headaches. <br />
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After six weeks, I had a follow-up Appointment with my brain surgeon. I was feeling great! I had almost all range of motion back in my neck, I hadn't had any headaches, or dizziness. My life had completely changed. Dr .Schmidt was completely amazed at how fast I had recovered. I was grateful to him that I just wanted to wrap my arms around him, and thank him from the bottom of my heart. He changed my life. <br />
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My summer was disappearing quickly because of the 6 weeks I had lost in recovering, and I was anxious to have some fun. I asked my Doc when I could resume normal activities, and he told me that I was doing so well that I could do whatever I felt like doing. He stressed that I take it slow in building back up my endurance. I was elated!<br />
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That next weekend I wanted to go on a short hike up in the mountains behind our home. Steve thought I was nuts! We made a goal to only go a short distance, but when I got there, I wanted to hike further. Every goal for the next spot was accomplished until I had hiked and jogged 6 miles! Steve laughed and shook his head in joy and surprise watching me. I had done so well that we started to plan a 10 mile hike in the San Rafael Swells the next month. People were concerned that I was being so ambitious, but assured them that I was doing amazing. Heavenly Father heard the prayers of all those who were praying for me, and it turned into a miracle. <br />
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I look back today 6 months later in amazement of the blessings I have received. I have a new life! I still have some other health issues, but I feel so much better than I ever thought I would. I am able to accomplish whatever I put my mind to, and I LOVE IT!<br />
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Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-52244413539966439612013-06-06T16:14:00.001-07:002013-06-06T16:14:19.144-07:00Looking Ahead It's been a interesting couple of weeks, accompanied with lots of emotions. I have been living with Vertigo and daily migraines for the last 6 months with no relief from medications. I have had migraines and dizziness for many years, but not to the extent that I have had recently. I can tell you that I know my Heavenly Father is watching over me, and that My Savior knows what I have been going through. In a last resort to hopefully find a answer to my health issues, I went to see a neurologist. After many different tests including heart tests, and blood work ups, the Dr. determined that everything seemed to be normal. He then mentioned that he thought it was possible that I had a mild Chiari Malformation. He said that he was still not convinced that this is what had been causing my migraines. He then changed my medication for the 3rd time. He decided at the last minute to refer me to a neurosurgeon. Thank goodness he did! Normally it takes at least 6 weeks to get into this Neurosurgeon, but miraculously they got me in 5 days later. Was Heavenly Father's hand in this? I know it was. Having 2 other friends who have been diagnosed with Chiari's I already knew that brain surgery would be a good possibility. Panic and anxiety set in for the first couple of days. Then, after praying nearly all night long, I had a feeling of peace come over me, and suddenly I knew I needed to have this surgery. By the time it was time to see the neurosurgeon, I had already made the decision to have the surgery if that was what the doctor suggested. Sure enough! He told me to stop taking the other medication as it wasn't doing any good. After examining me, and my MRI he said that I had all of the symptoms of a Chiari Malformation. He said to me " your Chiari isn't the biggest I have ever seen , but it is large, and on a scale of 1-10 that yours is a easy 8. He told me he thought I had a 95% chance of getting better if I did the surgery, but that he knew I would need some time to think about it. I had already made the decision and knew I had to do it, so minutes later I made an appointment for June 21st to have brain surgery. I continue to feel peaceful about this decision, and Steve also feels it is the right decision. I have also seen my children at ease with the decision. I feel so blessed that we were able to find out what was wrong and that this can be corrected. It's going to be interesting when I am all healed to see what my "Normal" really is. I am nervous, but more excited to not have the daily pain I have had.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-58432082055914268602013-03-01T13:47:00.002-08:002013-03-01T13:47:50.881-08:00Our babies are growing up.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-47813117462939986832013-03-01T13:37:00.002-08:002013-03-01T13:42:12.800-08:00Forget Judgement, Just Love The last two days have been ones of reflection for me. I think back on the last 8 years of being a foster parent, and what I have learned from that experience. I realized how much more understanding, and how much love I have had to give. I have let go of the judgment I have often felt for the parents of these beautiful children that I was blessed to have come into our home. The parents may have abused their children in some way or another, but I never let myself see their lives through their eyes, until I saw them as A Child of God, and my brothers and sisters. They are Heavenly Fathers children just as I am. Why not stop judging, and see what I could do to help? Why not love them? Our Savior has said "As I have loved you , love one another."<br />
The children that have come from these abusive homes love their parents. Some of them would rather stay in a situation than to be taken away from someone that they love. This is all they know. Change is scary, and the unknown is even scarier. If these kiddos can love their parents even though they have hurt them, then I should be able to find some compassion for them as well. If a parent really wants to be a better, I am willing to do whatever I can to help in that process. I have also seen when a parent thinks that they are not capable of making changes, make the hard decision of giving up the rights to their children so they can have a better life. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to see. To watch a parent make that decision, is very hard. It is a very emotional thing for them to go through. It is the most unselfish act that they will have ever done for their child. I have so much respect for those parents. Yes, they have made some bad mistakes, but in the end they do what is right for their kids.<br />
Many of these parents have come from homes that were abusive, and just didn't know how to raise a child a different way. Many of them have started with severe pain which required a prescription pain killer, and had just become reliant on the prescription which led them to eventually look for a drug that was strong enough for them to feel like they could function as parents. Many of these are single moms. They are trying to provide for themselves and their children, struggling to make ends meet to keep food on the table, and a roof over their heads. If you add the normal stress of raising children to that, these moms become overwhelmed, and a feeling of hopelessness comes over them. Being a mom to 5 kids is stressful for me, and I have a supportive, and loving husband to help me. My husband works hard, but has always been able to provide for our family. I have never worried much about where our next meal is coming from. We have family close to us, and the support from our neighbor's, friends, and a wonderful ward family. Some of these struggling families have none of those things. The idea of looking like, and feeling like a failure may be a prideful attitude, but it is a real feeling for many of us, and for them. We all want to seem as if we are doing well. It's hard for us to show our weaknesses to others. I wish this wasn't the case, for I know that their is a lot of compassion, and much more support from each other, than we realize that we could have. We all want to feel like supermom, and I believe we all are in different ways, so, why not do this together? Share our struggles, share our idea's, share with one another the good, and the bad. Share an uplifting thought, and be in tune with the spirit constantly so that you can be an instrument in His hands. People come into our lives from all different backgrounds. Chances are that someone has been through a situation that you are going through right now. That person may be a huge blessing to you just by the simple fact that they understand what you are going through. Let people help you, let them in, and let them love and help you through your good and bad times. I think if there was less judgment, and more love for our fellow men, that there would be not only less stress in life, and maybe, just maybe we would see less abuse, and a happier world.<br />
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<a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/mosiah/4.15?lang=eng#14">Mosiah 4:15</a><snippet>" But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to <span class="highlight">love</span> <span class="highlight">one</span> <span class="highlight">another</span>, and to serve <span class="highlight">one</span> <span class="highlight">another</span>."</snippet></h3>
Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-79556385592016144822012-10-17T15:03:00.002-07:002012-10-17T15:03:28.246-07:00MISSIONARY WORK I really enjoyed watching General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints a couple of weeks back. There was an announcment that the ages for when missionaries can serve a mission had changed. Boys are now able to leave at 18 years old, and women at 19 years old. I have to admitt that I was elated about the change for girls, but the boys..... well lets just say my heart dropped. Although I know that boys leaving earlier definitly make sense, it just hit me so hard. I have watched my Tyler growing up into such a wonderful young man. Before the announcment, time with him seemed liked it was growing short. He is 15, and so mature for his age, and I would think "wow, we really only have less than 4 years until he leaves our home to serve his mission. I truly do not know where the time has gone. As I sat letting this new announcment sink in, I began to cry. I now only have less than 3 years left until he leaves to serve our Heavenly Father. Mixed feelings of being excited for him, and knowing that if he needed to serve now that he would be ready, and not feeling ready to let him go ran through my body so rapidily that I could feel my heart rate going up, and I'm sure my blood pressure was following right behind. I told Tyler that he would have to finish High School first, which would make him more like 18 and a half before he left. Tyler responded quickly with "Mom I need to graduate early." I bit stunned, I realized that he was right. I am so proud of my son, and his desire to serve. <br />
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The push, and the need for missionaries is absolutely amazing to me. The gospel is growing at such a wonderful pace, and the need to get more missionaries to serve is essential in these last days. In a world in which I see so much sadness, wars, contention, natural disasters, families being ripped apart, and so many other trials, it is so good to see the good people of this world working together to share the gospel with all those who are ready and willing to recieve it. I also feel great joy to see members, and non-members alike working together to comfort, and bring relief to the people around them, or even in other countries with people whom they have never met. Like my sons ,Steve and I look foward to serving our Heavenly Father, and the people of this world by serving a mission when we are a bit older. The gospel has brought such an immense amount of joy into our lives, and I cannot wait to share my joy with everyone around me. <br />
Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-26399315161208946302012-04-03T12:20:00.000-07:002012-04-03T12:20:34.269-07:00LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE? I'm trying! I am constantly reminding myself to just laugh. I come by this quite naturally, but I have found that as my family has grown that I am having a harder time remembering to do this. From the messes the kids make including rips made in the couch, our couches being unscrewed by our 2 year old, a 12 year old with a temper who "accidentally" broke the plastic on the front of my dryer, bottles of salad dressing poured out onto the kitchen table and chairs, eggs being thrown onto the floor, my 2 year old peeing on my carpet, windows with constant fingerprints and spit on them, a 4 year old who empties her closet daily to change her clothes many times a day, my makeup drawer is no longer organized and J has come out of my bathroom covered in 12 hour lipstick, H with lip stick on her eyes, art work with a permanent marker on my cabinets, walls, and furniture, you would think I don't watch these kids at all, but I do, I just can't keep up with them. I clean one mess, and find out that while I was doing so, another mess has been created.<br />
LOUD! Oh my goodness our household is so loud. You know the song "Love At Home?" Steve and I joke about this song. " There is joy in every sound? Peace and plenty here abide, smiling sweet on every side? This song is a beautiful thought, and there are even moments when I see this, but for the most part we wonder how much Prozac one needs to be on to feel this way in their home.<br />
I am not complaining, I just wanted you all to know that our household is not perfect on any level. I miss the days of a perfectly clean home, and I look forward to when I can have that back again. There is a time and season for everything. This is just my season to hang on, and enjoy the ride. My kids make me laugh in happiness too. We are so lucky to have happy, creative, compassionate, and most of all funny kids. They constantly amaze me, and make me laugh til my cheek's hurt. My life is hectic, but remembering to laugh is the key to me being happy. I'm rolling with the punches, and trying to find joy in every hit! I just have to remember to LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-61941142845257718692012-03-11T13:04:00.000-07:002012-03-11T13:04:05.781-07:00Blessings Through TrailsThis year has been a continuous round of trials for our family. Little Randilynn with her ankle surgery, Tyler and his seismoids bones in the ball of his foot, River with knee's that already need surgery, and me falling and injuring both of my knee's, with the possibility of an upcoming surgery. This last couple of weeks have been rough. Not only have I hurt my knee's, but I have come down with influenza. This has made me go from going 100MPH to 0MPH in a matter of a day. I am such a busy body, and so independent, that this has been really hard on me. My burden's have been lifted by the wonderful, caring, and sweet people in our neighborhood, and ward. My neighbors have taken my kids, fed our family dinner, have made calls to check up on us, offered to clean my house, and have been praying for us. How wonderfully blessed we have been to be taken care of. I'm not generally good about being on the receiving end of service. This is what I LOVE TO DO for other's, I'm not supposed to need it! I have been humbled by the generosity of other's. Our family has been blessed, and I have been able to get to know some of these good people of our ward better. As a result, I have also been able to spend some well needed quality time alone with my soul mate. Although I am sick, and a bit gimpy, Steve took me away for the weekend, and we went down our cabin. I have never had a better weekend in my life. I was forced by my body to just, sit! I was able to cuddle up with my husband, and have some quiet moments to talk to him about whatever we wanted with no interruptions. I was able to read my scriptures, feel the spirit, and feel the love that my husband has for me. He cooked me meals, made sure I was warm, and he tended to my every need. I loved to just watch him work on things in the cabin. It was a joy for me to see how excited he is to have made, and built our cabin, and everything in it. He smiled and almost giggled as he hung the wagon wheel chandelier he had made, and when he flipped the light switch, and it came on, it was like seeing a little kids eyes light up with excitement. Because of the illnesses, and injuries, I have been able to take the time to see things I might have missed. This is a good lesson for me. Slow down, and enjoy life's little moments. I have seen so many blessing come from my trials, and I am so thankful for them.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-41060740607038156132012-01-08T15:39:00.000-08:002012-01-08T15:42:36.434-08:00"Dance is the Air We Breathe"I watch the disappointment in her eyes as she cries because she can't dance. I feel her hurt because she has to miss her 2 performances in December. The worst is not knowing what is wrong. She awakes one morning with her foot in enough pain that she can't walk on it. We thought maybe she has strained her tendon, or pulled a muscle, so we wait 3 weeks until it's getting worse. After an x-ray, and a CT scan we discover that she has Severe's disease, a coalition and extra bone in her ankle that is causing her foot to grind with pieces of her bone chipping off. This also has restricted the movement in her ankle. The specialist has never seen this before, so this will be his first surgery like this, but he is confident that he can repair it. In the meantime, her love of dance gets the best of her, and she decides she can't just sit and watch as her peers dance their hearts out. We are astonished watching her as she dances the lyrical routine on her knee's. She feels every movement in her soul which reflects in her whole upper body flowing beautifully with each movement. I watch in amazement, and tears whell up into my eyes. I can see her determination, and her complete love of dancing. Dancing is the air she breathes, and I cannot wait to see her do it again. Her surgery is scheduled for January the 19th. She will have to be off her foot for three weeks, and then physical therapy will need to start. Her competition team starts competing in March. She is determined to be strong by then. I don't know how she will do this, but she has the faith, the determination, and the love of dancing to make it happen if it is possible. She is a beautiful girl with a strong spirit. She is confident, and ready to work hard to get back what she has lost. I couldn't be more proud of my daughter. She is an example to me.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-9931761466793207652011-10-25T12:36:00.000-07:002012-01-08T15:11:52.303-08:00Instrument in His Hands I feel so blessed to have the life that I have. Sure I have my own little trials in life, but I am so extremely lucky to have such wonderful friends and family in my life. Although my life seems to be going so well, some others in my life whom I care and love, are not having it so easy. I wonder at times why the people who have an amazing spirits, kind souls, who are compassionate, sweet, nonjudgmental and have a testimony with unwavering faith seem to have to endure the most excruciating trials in life. I don't have an answer to that question, but I have faith in my Heavenly Father, and that He truly does what is best for all of us. I know that we have trials to learn, and grow from.<br />
I have been feeling very in tune with the spirit lately, even more that usual. My life seems to be going relatively smoothly right now, and I am at peace. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and that people are put in our paths for a reason. I have a special friend who is going through an awful lot right now. I was blessed enough to be able to talk, and to cry with her last night. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father, and the spirit to have guided me as to what to say to offer some comfort to her. I have been praying that I could be an instrument in His hands to help these people who I love and care about. I pray that I can continue to be blessed with the spirit as I help these wonderful people in my life. It is my prayer that they will feel the spirit, and the love our Heavenly Father has for them. I pray that they will know that I love and care about them, and that they are not alone. <br />
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“Along your pathway of life you will observe that you are not the only traveler. There are others who need your help. There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save.” <span style="color: #666600;">Thomas S. Monson</span><br />
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Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-65118127216832463382011-10-11T08:07:00.000-07:002011-10-11T08:07:30.270-07:00Random KissesAfter a long week of H being sick, and feeling a little cooped up in my house, JD decides to come down sick too. As I sit on our couch dreading another week of sickness, JD comes to sit on my lap. He usually is so busy that he only will sit with me a few minutes at a time, but this time he sits for an hour with me. Although he is sick, he is feeling very loving too. Out of nowhere he turns to me and gives me a kiss. I melt and feel an overwhelming emotion come over me.. Even though I am afraid of catching this nasty virus, I take it. I love it when he does this. Throughout the hour I get kiss after kiss, and each time I find myself getting teary eyed. Heavenly Father had planned this out long before I had ever known that H and JD were my own. Each kiss reminds me that I have indeed been so blessed to have these 2 come into my life, and that they are mine through and through. They are my blood, and I get to have them for eternity. I am a mom of 5, and I love them so very much. How blessed I am.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-22753150961270984212011-10-07T20:11:00.000-07:002011-10-07T20:11:30.082-07:00Ready, Set, Juggle!Take a deep breath, get ready, set, and juggle. This seems to be the theme of my life. I say this like I am overwhelmed, but I am just the opposite. I love to be busy, and I love to serve. My newest adventure is directing "Beauty and the Beast" at our elementary school. This is my second year doing this, and I am so excited! I had 115 kiddo's come and audition. Everyone of them get a part of course, but it is so fun to see their cute faces, and hear their sweet voices. So much talent in this school! I love these kids. <br />
Dance season has begun and is in full swing. Randilynn will be busy with dance 4 nights a week, and with playing the part of Babbette in the play. I am taking a dance class too, along with trying to find time for yoga, take care of my busy family, Ty's piano lessons, volunteering for the Foster Care Foundation, Jude's speech, and Early Intervention appts.<br />
I am excited to start Peer Parenting for DCFS. I sure didn't last long not being involved as a foster parent. I just love to be able to help these kids who don't come from the best of circumstances, and to be able to help their families learn how to become better parents for their children. I have seen some parents change their lives, and become better for their family. I also have seen many parents fail after getting their children home. This is why it is so important to have peer parents involved with these families. A peer parent is involved in helping when the children are getting ready to transition back home, and to offer support when needed. These families need more support, and I am excited to be able to help.Our home is full, but the idea of still being involved makes me happy.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-16281001414249721702011-06-28T11:18:00.000-07:002011-06-28T11:18:35.160-07:00Fractured Little Hope<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Saturday June 18th definitely could have been a better day, but hey were alive and that's what counts. After a fun overnight camp out down at the cabin were preparing to go to bed and wake up early Sunday morning to go home. H was coming down our steep staircase from the loft and fell off the side 8 ft down straight onto her head. i saw the whole thing happen, and as I did I was running as fast as I could in hopes of breaking her fall. I failed. My mommy reflexes failed me, and I missed her by an inch. As soon as I realized I missed, I had to dive over her to avoid landing on her and causing more damage. I flew into the wall of cabinets, then quickly began to assess the situation. H was screaming which was actually a good thing, because it meant she was conscious. I checked her eyes, and looked over her body and knew I was safe to move her. her eye began to swell very quickly, and I knew we needed to get her to a hospital. the ride to the ER was so very long. H was falling asleep, and I had to wake her every 10 min. to make sure was still conscious. After an hour drive we made it to the hospital. They took her immediately and began to check her out. the results came in, and it was confirmed that she had fractured her skull from the top all the way to the orbit of her eye. By now her eye was completely swelled shut and the deepest purple, and black that you can imagine. She had a pretty mean concussion as well. Thankfully her skull was still in all the right places, and about 4 hours later we were able to go home. By 2:30 in the morning we were finally able to go to bed. It wasn't until the afternoon hours that I noticed her arm was hurting her. I was sure she had broken it too, and we were headed back to the DR. the next morning. She chose to get a PINK cast of course. She looks so broken up. Sunday morning when I woke up I realized I wasn't doing so well either. I threw my back out. I could not walk , but crawl, and I was in some severe pain. Here it is over a week later and I am still hurting a lot. I am walking, but slowly, and bending is almost out of the question. I think my daughter is going to end up healing before her mom. I am just grateful that she is going to be okay. I wish I could wrap her in bubble wrap for the next few months. It is such a horrible experience to watch your child falling, knowing you can't get to them fast enough. Scared me to death, but I feel so blessed that we will heal up. I love my little girl so much. </em></span>Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-17678087918950244202011-06-03T18:29:00.000-07:002011-06-03T18:29:39.621-07:00A little overwhelmed? YES! Oh my! I have two VERY busy little ones. Yesterday I had the unfortunate, unpleasure of seeing my garden all plucked and dug up from our sweet little Hope. After the replanting that I've done, we will see what survives. I also scrubbed marker off the kitchen floor, and a pan full of oil out of the oven spilled out into the oven and all over the kitchen floor. Thankfully the oven and oil were cool. " Thank goodness our oven is self cleaning!" I thought, but the smell and smoke was so overpowering that I was coughing, and gagging. My sweet boy also took his 4th box of cereal out of the cupboard and dumped it all out on the floor as he watched me running towards him trying to catch him before he did it. My boy loves to try and do what he isn't allowed to do before I can get to him. Cute little stinker! Mr. J was definitely exploring new things, and realizing that he is a bit taller these days. Steve and I spent all of last night doing even more toddler proofing. We were supposed to have a date night since he is out of town this weekend, but J axed that idea. Our older children were sooo much easier than these two have been. Steve has baby proofed every cabinet, drawer in the kitchen, as well as all the drawers in my computer desk. I moved the computer tower out of reach yet again. As much as I complain, I love them so very much, and wouldn't change them for anything in the world. They are my babies. Overwhelmed? Yes. Worth it? Definitely!Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-28874821356030307132011-05-31T20:37:00.000-07:002011-05-31T20:37:31.100-07:00The baby of the family. There is definitely a difference in how you treat the last baby of your family. I hardly have the self control I need not dig though the trash and disinfect his bottles so he can have one. I'm sitting here listening to J cry himself to sleep. I keep trying to rationalize the reasons why I haven't already taken them away, but the truth is, I have enjoyed how easy it has been to sooth him with them, and put him down so easily to bed; not to mention he refuses to drink milk out of a sippy cup. We have tried all different kinds. He will only drink water and juice out of them. The doc says just to give him other forms of calcium now since he actually is on the curve now! Yep, J made into the 5th percentile for his weight and height! I have no more excuses. I know it's been time to take him off the bottle for a few months now, but he is almost all recovered from the surgery, so I just need the self control not to give in. :) I sure love my baby boy.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-30289088379512647842011-05-25T20:55:00.000-07:002011-05-25T20:55:58.225-07:00Ma Ma!!There is nothing more heart wrenching than to have your baby screaming "MAMA"over and over again because they are in pain, wanting you to fix it, and you can't. I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor holding him while he cried out my name over and over wanting me to take away the pain. It was too much for me to bear. I broke, and sat there sobbing with him. My poor little J had surgery yesterday to repair his urethra. The pain was so severe that when he had to urinate is caused him to to fall to all fours and just scream. I feel so completely helpless. All I can do is hold him until the pain subsides. We are giving him good pain pills which are finally starting to help this evening, but this is rough. Steve and I were up all night with him. There is nothing worse than watching one of your children suffer. I consider myself to be a pretty tough cookie, but when it comes to my babies in pain, I just break. Things are better so far tonight, so maybe the worst of it is behind us.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-81483741532584923282011-05-05T15:02:00.000-07:002011-05-05T15:08:33.495-07:00This is how I really feel. There are so many times when I look at my life, and think" wow, how did I get here." My life is amazing! I have a wonderful husband to spend my life and eternity with. He loves me more than I could ever deserve, he supports me and our 5 children, he loves me despite all of my many faults, and he puts up with me even when I do something he is not excited about me doing. My life has changed dramatically within the last year and a half. I have realized what it truly important to me, I have decided that I can make mistakes and that people will understand and forgive me. I have learned how to forgive myself for the stupid little mistakes I make daily. I have learned that no one is a perfect mom, and that the expectations I have for myself are really just impossible, but that if I keep trying that is what is important, that is how we progress. I have learned that being myself and being an open book is actually a good thing. Yes, I have, and will continue to make mistakes or even put my foot in my mouth, but I will learn from those mistakes, correct them, and move on with a better understanding. I have learned that people can change for the better if they get the support they need. I have learned not to judge people. I have no idea what all is going on in their lives, and why it is happening. Instead I think "what can I do to help or change a situation." I have learned that I need to continually do my best, and that my Heavenly Father and my Savior will be at my side despite me failing if I get up and try again, and do better the next time. I know that I Am A Child of God, and that he expects me to accomplish certain tasks upon this earth. I know that he will help me seek out these tasks, and give me the strength, and faith to do them. I have already seen this happen in my life, and I know that I still have many things to accomplish while I am on this earth. I have slowly been learning patients. I am so patient with some things, but still am so short of patients with other things. This is something I am not sure that I will ever master, but I will try to keep doing my best. I want to know what the plan is now! What is next! What the answer to my prayer is! When it will happen! Everyone who knows me, knows I am a mover. So that being said patients is not my best characteristic. I am so thankful for the experiences that I have had, that have made me learn and grow, I have much more learning to do. My road has never, and never will be easy, but I will strive to learn what I need to learn from my trials, and go forward in faith.<br />
I am so grateful for all that I have. My children are such an amazing blessing to me. Tyler is such a strong, and wonderful kid who really tries to choose the right. He is such a wonderful example to all of us. He loves to read about church history, and surprises me with his knowledge of the gospel. His testimony is strong, and he has a strong desire to do what his Heavenly Father wants him to do.<br />
River has such am amazing spirit. He feels the spirit so strongly. He is a good boy who wants to do the best he can. He is very sensitive, and compassionate to all those who are in need. You can tell that he loves to help people. He often is found playing, and watching over the little kids in our neighborhood, or helping the older people pull weeds. He is very creative, and loves to make things out of what we would all call junk. I am so thankful for him, and his wonderful uplifting smile.<br />
Randilynn is our sweet angel. She is so on top of everything. She is a straight A student who is very serious about school. I am amazed that she does so well when she is at her dance studio on an average of 6 hours a week. She loves to dance, and her competition team is doing amazing. When she is home, she is our biggest helper. Sh<span style="background-color: yellow;">e</span> is wonderful with helping me out with Hope, and Jude. She has a very tender heart, and she also loves to help people. She is an amazing little girl.<br />
Hope has just amazed me. The progress she has made in a year is astonishing. She has gone from an out of control little girl, to a fun, happy , and beautiful one. She loves life. She is so sweet when she says her prayers, and she loves to go to church. I know she doesn't understand a whole lot yet, but you can tell she can feel the spirit. She has wonderful primary teachers. I am so thankful for the joy she brings into our home.<br />
Jude is a wild man! No one would guess that he was so behind developmentally. He is a very happy and smiling little guy. He is on top, and into everything. I love when he gives me kisses, or lays his head on my shoulder. He is so special to me. I think I am in for it. We are going through the terrible two's already. No one else sees this of course when he is away from home. With everyone else, he is a complete angel. Still, he can do no wrong. He is just a cutie, and his smile, and big brown eyes just melt me.<br />
I am blessed to have such supportive friends, good neighbors, a home filled with love, and a wonderful place for my children to grow up. I am so grateful for the gospel, for my Savior, and Heavenly Father. I am thankful for a wonderful, and caring bishopric, but most of all I am grateful to be married to my best friend. Yes, This is how I really feel.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-5434152790340467932011-04-21T12:26:00.000-07:002011-04-21T13:47:12.601-07:00A Wonderful Opportunity.... Well another opportunity to serve has come up, and I'm ready to take on the challenge! I am excited to be back involved with Foster Care. I am now taking in donations of clothing, toys and baby equipment. I will be sorting them all , and putting them in the Resource centers storage unit for foster parents who need anything for their foster, or adopted children. When I got the call yesterday, I was so excited. I have been having a hard time not being involved in helping the kids in foster care. The DI (Deseret Industries) is no longer taking baby equipment. It has been killing me to see DI taking donations from people, and throwing them straight into the dumpster. I tried to work something out with them last year, that would let those who are donating be more aware of this, and let them know of the alternatives, such as donating to the foster care foundation. Unfortunatly, I recieved an answer back that DI wouldn't be able to do this. Kid to Kid in bountiful donates to the foundation which is so helpful. The things they cannot use or take, I get to pick up, and take to the resource center, Thanks Kid to Kid. We as foster families appreciate it!Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-34838605753793746322011-04-14T12:49:00.000-07:002011-04-14T12:49:04.499-07:00Aspen "Hope" MorganWe have decided to call Azzie by her middle name "Hope." We have thought about this for a while, and made the decision because we are worried. Hope's bio dad lives only a couple of miles from us. Aspen is not a common name which means if he were to hear it in a store, it would be easy for him to try and come over to see Hope and Jude. This is also the primary reason we chose to by a new van. We just don't want to be easily recognized.<br />
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I chose the name "Hope" a couple of years ago. It is very fitting that she has this name now. For 5 years I have been "hoping" to adopt. My dream has finally come true, and "hope describes perfectly how I feel about her. Jude and Hope are the results of many prayer's, faith, and hope that our dream would come true. So blessed that it has.Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-110482533058369287.post-7895439379021503252011-04-11T20:57:00.000-07:002011-04-13T20:53:38.120-07:00Sealed For Time and All Eternity.<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">April 1st 2011 will be one of the most blessed days of my life. On a beautiful Sunny day, April 1st 2011 we were blessed to have Aspen and Jude sealed to us in the Bountiful, Utah Temple.What an amazing experience for our entire family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were greeted when we arrived with very excited temple worker's who knew of the event that was to come to pass. We were first directed to a children's room. This is where our 5 children would stay and get dressed, while Steve and I Got dressed in our temple clothing. Cameo and Bonnie were able to be Aspen's and Jude's escorts. It was so very special to have Cameo there. She flew in from Hawaii. What a sacrifice she made to be there to love and support us. We sure love her, and are so thankful for Bonnie too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was treated as if I were a new bride. I was to get dressed in the brides room which was beautiful. It reminded me so much of the day that Steve and I were married in the Los Angeles Temple almost 15 years ago. What a neat experience for me. I appreciate all those in the temple making this so special for me. After changing I was reunited with my eternal soul mate, and we went into the sealing room to await the arrival of our 5 beautiful children who were to be dressed in all white. Our three oldest children were able to attend, which made the sealing even more perfect. What an awesome experience for them to be part of something so sacred and spiritual. As they all walked in, emotions ran through me. This is what life and eternity is all about. Family's can be together forever through the blessing of the temple. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My children were all so reverent, which is something they are not so expert on most of the time. Seconds before we were sealed Azzie said " Mommy your a princess!" She looked so beautiful in her white dress, and Jude was handsome in his white tux. I am such a lucky and blessed mom. One of the sisters at the temple shared with me that as they were bringing the children in, River said" do you think we could have a prayer?" The spirit was there and my children could feel the presence of their heavenly Father, and our Savior. Our wonderful sealer then sealed Aspen and Jude to our family forever. We are so grateful for our family and friends who were able to attend and be there to support us. My dad and Steve's dad were able to be the witnesses, and we could feel the love from those who were in the room with us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Azzie has been asking everyday for the past 2 months when we could go to the temple, and now she has, and she loves it. We will go back often and walk the temple grounds with our children, in hopes that they will remember the feelings that they had inside of the temple, and what the blessings of the temple can do for our families. We are truly blessed to have the gospel in our lives.</span>Suziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06846787716578176271noreply@blogger.com1